Freedom comes naturally
by silver lametta
Summary: Set after the end of season 5. Nothing ties them anymore. Then what is it that keeps them together? Finally complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Freedom comes naturally**

**Categ****ory**: Angst/Romance

**Rating:** T (only this chapter, rating will definitely change in later chapters)

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, don't make money, do it just for fun

**Author's notes: **Hey guys, I'm back and full of inspiration. This is the first chapter of the fic I promised to write, although it turns out less serious than I intended, but hey, maybe that's a good thing. The title comes from the song "Bliss" by Muse. Please note that it's unedited, all mistakes are mine.

**Chapter 1**

…Angels are not endowed with cardiognosis (knowledge of the secrets of the heart) nor with  
a certain knowledge of future acts of the free will; these being exclusively divine prerogatives.

- Pascal P. Parente  
The Angels

The aftermath of the Apocalypse is no less disastrous than the Apocalypse itself.

With Michael and Lucifer now trapped in the cage, both Heaven and Hell are left without command and the fewer angels who haven't abandoned their home now try to establish order in the smoking remnant of the world.

Evil has gone loose - monsters and demons no longer hide but ravage the earth in search for easy prey and people are losing their faith and hope for salvation.

There is so much to do, so many things to take care of but the forces of Heaven are limited as never before.

And even tough Castiel is now much more powerful than he was he's never felt so weak and helpless at the same time.

"Tell me what is bothering you." he hears Raphael's voice.

Raphael now commands the heavenly Host. So was decided because he is the only one of it's previous superiors who has survived.

Castiel is now one of the Host's superiors, too – he and Raphael have agreed to forget their controversies and the fact that Raphael once killed Castiel.

"We are losing our soldiers." he replies. "Our ranks are weakening, brother. Ramiel and Raziel have abandoned us today."

"It was only a matter of time." Raphael sounds unsurprised. "I felt it, and you felt it too, Castiel. It was in them."

"Still, it doesn't reduce the loss. My heart aches for them." he feels Raphael reaching out for his grace, trying to read him.

"There is something else, isn't it?"

"Of course there is. We have destroyed our Father's creation, Raphael, we have almost destroyed humanity. And it's beyond our power to restore it. We are helpless."

"Don't blame yourself too much, Castiel. Think about it. If Father let this happen, then he doesn't care about humans anymore."

"I don't think so." Castiel objects bitterly. "Maybe he wanted us to intervene."

"I'm sorry, brother." Raphael says and Castiel feels that he means it. "But all we can do now is restore the order. And we need you on this. After all, if it's Father who brought you back then he thinks you can do it. And you're doing great so far." he pauses, and Castiel once again feels that he's reaching out for his grace, searching for something. "But there is more, isn't it? There is something else that bothers you."

Castiel doesn't reply. Raphael already knows it. Castiel waits until he says it himself.

"It's Dean Winchester, isn't it?"

The sound of the name affects him more than he cares to admit.

"It is natural that I am concerned about him." Castiel replies evenly. "He is my charge."

He didn't realize he was so transparent. If Raphael sensed that easily, then probably all other angels did, too.

He worries about Dean. They haven't seen each other since their conversation in the Impala on the night Dean was heading to Braeden's. But Castiel still feels the need to check on him once in a while.

Whenever he manages to find time, he reaches out for Dean's consciousness, mostly at night, when the ex-hunter is sleeping. He doesn't know what exactly he's looking for, probably just a confirmation that Dean is alive and happy.

"He is not your charge anymore." Raphael says. "You should remember that."

"Father once charged me with him, and I still feel responsible. I feel there's something wrong with him and that bothers me."

"Is it something serious?"

Castiel shakes his head.

"I don't know, I'm not sure yet. It's vague."

"You've always been a devoted soldier, Castiel, maybe that's why Father has been so gracious to you. But now you have greater things to worry about." there is sense in Raphael's words, but Castiel is still unconvinced. "Send another angel if you need to. Let him check on Dean Winchester."

"I don't think there's a need…"

"Then forget it, Castiel. There is nothing you have to do, unless the human asks for it. Unless he prays for you, it is none of your concern."

"Yes. You are right." Castiel finally agrees, although deep inside he is still unsure.

Dean himself may not realize that something is wrong.

"Thank you, brother." he says nevertheless.

"We should go now. The Council needs to decide who will take places of Ramiel and Raziel."

Castiel nods.

"I will be with you shortly."

Raphael is right, Dean doesn't need him anymore. He is safe, he has family now and his brother is alive.

Castiel had to put great effort into bringing Sam back and restoring his damaged body. It is time Castiel returned to his main task – serving Heaven.

However, the very next night he reaches for Dean's sleeping consciousness once again.

When autumn comes to the small town of Cicero, Dean Winchester realizes it's been almost six moths since they trapped Lucifer and ended the Apocalypse.

It's been almost six months since Sam was returned from Hell by whoever it was – they still don't know - and it's been almost six months since he started living with the Braedens.

It's been eventful time. He finally settled down, got to know Lisa and Ben better. Lisa was very kind to accept him and didn't ask any questions, and Dean is still thankful for that. She's a smart and understanding woman and they've been doing well so far.

He found a job in a garage - fixing cars is the only thing except for hunting that he is good at. It's not much money and it's not the most glamorous work in the world, but he likes it. Fixing cars sets his mind at rest.

He spends his free time with Lisa and Ben and meets with Sam almost every week to have a beer or two.

Sam is still hunting and he stays most of his time at Bobby's. The older hunter, after getting the ability to walk again, is happy to hunt, they often do it together. And although Dean would like his brother to give up hunting, he cannot deny that there's still much work for them to do.

In fact, there are now even more evil occurrences than before or during the Apocalypse, thus both Sam and Bobby are pretty busy.

Still, they find time to gather at Bobby's once in a while, although at some point Dean notices that both his brother and the older hunter avoid talking about hunts with him. It is as if they try to protect Dean from it, which is a little offensive.

"It's none of your concern, Dean. Now you have other things to worry about." Sam says every time Dean attempts to complain. "You've got a family who needs you."

"You are my family, too, Sam. You and Bobby. I want to help you."

"We're fine, Dean."

That's how it always goes.

It feels weird to have a normal life, feels weird to finally get what he always wanted, but maybe that's how happiness feels.

These days his biggest concerns are Ben's school grades and the strange sound the Impala's engine makes, which feels great at first.

But soon he realizes he doesn't know what to do with all the free time he has. Lisa spends most of her time either working or managing the household, Sam is constantly away hunting.

Dean spends his time with Ben, taking him to baseball and camping, trying to be as close to a father as it is possible. But he also feels the need for an adult company, the need for a friend. Years of traveling and hunting, however, did not allow much time for bonding with others. The only friends he has are Sam and Bobby. And Cas.

Thinking of which, Dean realizes it's been also six months since he last spoke to the guy. He remembers being angry at him, angry for his sudden leave and lack of proper goodbyes. After all, they have been through much together and Dean expected to get more than just a cliché as a farewell. 'Peace or freedom.' What does that even mean?

He wonders whether he'll ever see Cas again. And what's it like in Heaven right now? Is Cas a big boss there, do all other angels obey him, do they treat him as their superior? Knowing Castiel, they probably do.

Dean smiles involuntarily, imagining how Cas commands the Host.

Then he remembers the almost human Cas and how they drank tequila with Ellen, how he once barged into a liquor store and 'drank it' and how they went to a brothel and were kicked out after Cas told one of the girls the truth about her father. That was good times.

He sits in the backyard of Lisa's house – he still doesn't think of it as of 'their house'- sips on his beer and feels the pleasant warmth spreading over his insides. It might be the booze but it also might be nostalgia. If so, he's probably getting older.

He suddenly wishes Cas were here, he kind of misses the guy. Surely things get awkward around him sometimes, especially when it comes to issues of personal space and his social skills leave much to be desired, but Dean wishes he had the chance to talk to him once in a while.

And maybe his subconscious agrees with that because lately Dean dreams of feathers and flutter of wings, which is confusing.

"I wanna go hunting again." he says next time he meets his brother.

Sam sounds tired when he replies. "We've been through this Dean. You're not going."

"Come on, Sammy, it's just once. It's not like I'm gonna travel around the country again."

Sam shakes his head. "You're not going."

"Look, Ben is staying at his friend's this weekend and Lisa has that book club going on and then a friend of hers comes over. I'll be bored!"

"Find something else to do. Go to a bar, make new friends."

"You know I can't bang other chicks now, don't you? It kinda goes with the whole 'I have a family' thing. I'm not gonna cheat on Lisa, not after what she's done for me."

"Dude, making friends doesn't necessarily mean banging chicks. You could, I dunno, play pool, maybe?"

Dean winces.

"Play pool while you guys have all the real fun? No dice!"

"It's not like you have a choice here."

So he spends Saturday morning in the garage keeping himself busy. It is around lunchtime when he realizes he's finished all work and got nothing else to do.

Lisa's friend Angela has come by, and Dean wants to give them time for chick flick talk.

So he grabs a beer and sits outside on the hood of the Impala, humming the 'Nothing else matters' to himself quietly.

He feels a little sad and misplaced, as if he doesn't belong in here.

He sighs and tries to distract himself from these thoughts. Once again he wonders what Cas is doing up there. Suddenly he looks up at the sky and says, surprising even himself:

"Hey, Cas! How are you there, buddy?"

There is no reply. He stares up for a while but nothing happens. He feels stupid.

Seriously, why would Cas bother to even listen, let alone reply? He's pretty busy upstairs and won't waste his time on Dean.

He sighs and takes a large swig of beer.

They are in the middle of the Council when Castiel hears the familiar voice. It sounds clearly in his head, as if Dean were standing right next to him. He hears the human say his name. Dean is calling for him.

Castiel tries not to show up his sudden emotion, but his brothers have probably felt it, because the next moment all of their attention is drawn at him.

"What is it, Castiel?" Raphael asks, although Castiel is sure he knows everything.

"It's my charge." he replies. "Dean Winchester." he hears angels starting to whisper.

"What does he want?"

"I don't know yet. But he is calling for me. I need to go." he makes an attempt to leave, but Raphael stops him before he does.

"We need you here, Castiel. You cannot leave now."

"I have to." Castiel states firmly, and Raphael probably senses his determination, realizes that it is useless to argue.

He nods reluctantly and Castiel hurries down to earth before Raphael changes his mind.

Dean hears the flutter of wings behind his back. The sound is familiar, but it startles him nevertheless, makes him jump and turn around.

Castiel is standing in front of him – hair mussed up even more than he remembers it be, crumpled trench coat hanging loosely from the slender shoulders.

"Cas!" it's rather a yelp than a greeting.

"Hello, Dean." Castiel is staring at him examiningly, just like he always does, and the stare gives rise to a wave of memories in Dean's head.

He wants to make a step forward, wants to give Cas a hug. But instead, they just stand awkwardly staring at each other.

"You called me." Cas finally says.

"Um, yeah." Dean gives him a sheepish smile. "I guess I did."

"Has something happened?" there is now concern in the angel's eyes.

Dean frowns. "No. Why?"

"Something has troubled you for a while now. I thought that's the reason why you called."

"How did you…" Dean starts, but then realization strikes. "Oh no. Tell me you didn't get into my head!"

Castiel looks somewhere past Dean.

"I might have." he says carefully.

"Dude! I asked you not to do that! It's unfair!"

"It wasn't intentional, Dean." that is only half true. "Sometimes I just hear your voice in my head." Cas says, looking back at him.

"Any why would that be?"

"I believe it's because we are still connected." Castiel glances briefly at Dean's left shoulder, then returns his gaze to the man's face.

"Connected, right." More staring follows and Dean notices that Cas looks tired. It's nothing tangible, but there's something missing in his eyes, a glowing that once was there. "Anyway, don't do that. It's creepy. And I'm good, dude, seriously, I am."

The angel studies him for a while. "Alright then." He makes a step back but Dean is fast enough to grab his shoulder.

"Whoa, whoa, wait!"

Castiel shifts his eyebrows in an unspoken question.

"You can't just zap off on me like that!" Because seriously? That's just rude.

"I have work to do, Dean. My time is very limited." He could already imagine Raphael's irritation upon his return. "Unless your life is in danger, I should not be here."

"Well, you could at least grab a beer with an old friend." Dean says and reaches for the six-pack he brought for himself, taking out two bottles.

Castiel stares at the offered beer, hesitating, but then accepts it.

Dean grins. "That's right." He leans against the hood of the Impala and gestures for Cas to join him. "You know, it wasn't very nice when you disappeared last time. You could at least say 'goodbye."

"I'm sorry." Cas says as he also leans against the hood of the car. "I didn't realize it's so important to you."

"Whatever, man." Dean sips on his beer and stares in front of him, feeling Castiel's trench coat clad shoulder brushing against his. "So, how's Wonderland? Found the white rabbit yet?"

"Heaven is in disarray." Castiel replies. It seems that he finally got used to Dean's obscure references and gave up trying to understand them. "And so is Hell."

"You tell me, Sam and Bobby are swamped with work." he suddenly wonders whether Cas knows about Sam's return. "You know that Sam's back, right?"

Castiel nods. "It wasn't that easy to drag him out. It took much effort to restore his body either."

Dean stares at the angel in sheer surprise. "So that was you!" words hardly come out of his mouth. "Cas, you…Thanks." Once again, he feels an urge to hug the guy, because that's the greatest thing somebody has ever done for him.

And Dean is probably looking very stupid right now, because there is an amused smile playing at the corners of Castiel's mouth.

"You are welcome, Dean." he says solemnly.

It takes few minutes to process the new piece of information, and then Dean asks:

"So what, Sam's your charge now, too?"

Castiel shakes his head. "Nobody commanded me to drag Sam out. Nobody charged me with him."

There is a thought that nobody dares to voice.

Castiel did it for Dean.

"Thanks, Cas." Dean says once again and smiles. Castiel smiles back.

They drink the rest of their beers in silence that hangs comfortably between them. There are many questions to be asked, many things to be told, but somehow they seem unimportant right now.

They sit like that for a while but finally Castiel downs the rest of his beer and stands up.

"I have to go. The Host demands my presence."

Dean nods. "Hey, you can drop in anytime. Whenever you can."

"Thank you. Although I doubt I will have a chance any time soon." Castiel steps away, preparing to leave, but this time he locks his eyes with Dean's and says: "Goodbye, Dean."

Dean can't help but smile. It would be hard to get used to Cas' goodbyes now.

At dinner, Lisa asks him who was the guy Dean drank beer with and Dean says it's an old friend who is passing through the town and decided to come by.

"He seems like a nice guy. And good looking, too. Angela wondered whether he is single." Lisa says. "Is he?"

"I… guess." Dean says carefully.

Lisa smiles contentedly. "Great! Maybe we could go on a double date then?"

Dean gapes at her. A double date?

Lisa notices his confusion. "Oh, no. He is not gay, is he?"

"No! No, he's not." Dean hurries to assure her. "He's just… a very busy person."

"Oh, I'm sure he could find some time! He will like Angela, I promise. Besides, double dates are fun!."

Dean thinks that 'fun' isn't the right word for it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Freedom comes naturally**

**Categ****ory**: Angst/Romance

**Rating:** T (this chapter)

**Disclaimer:** They're not mine, I don't make any money, do it just for fun

**Author's notes:** I decided not to delay publishing the next chapter as the first one was rather introductory.

Once again, the fic is unedited, please don't judge me :D

**Chapter 2**

The next day Dean calls Sam to tell him about Castiel's visit.

"So it was Cas? Wow, I should probably send him a fruit basket." his brother says.

"Yeah, well. I doubt they deliver those to Heaven. Wouldn't cover the fuel cost."

Sam chuckles. "So what, he's like the Boss there now?"

Dean shrugs, although Sam can't see that. "He didn't tell. But I guess he's one of the Host's executives now, yeah. They seem to be pretty busy up there."

"Well that's a shame. We could really use his help."

"Is there something in particular?"

Sam sighs. He is obviously reluctant to discuss it with Dean. "Rufus called. There've been three murders in Canaan, all committed within the last two weeks. It looks like witchcraft, but whatever this things is, it's too powerful. Rufus and three other hunters tried to track it down but failed, they need our help."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, no, it's fine, Dean. We can manage it. I just thought it would be useful if Cas took a look on it and told us whether we're right."

"I will ask him if he has time." Dean says and his tone is a little bit offended. He hates being useless. "I figure he'll prefer that to a double date…" he mutters and instantly regrets that he did.

"Wait, what? A double date?"

"Uh, yeah. Lisa wants us go on a double date with Cas and her friend Angela."

For a minute there's just laughing on the other end but then Sam manages:

"Let me guess, afterwards the four of you will watch 'Steel Magnolias' and then your periods would synchronize?"

"Not funny, Sam." Dean snorts angrily.

"Sorry, man, but it kind of is. What does Cas think about it?"

"He doesn't know yet. And I'm not gonna ask him anyways. That's ridiculous. As I've said, he got other things to do."

"I think you should ask him, Dean." Sam suddenly says and it surprises his older brother. "What if he wants to go? Angel or not, he should have fun. Besides, I'm sure he's still curious about human life. And since you told me that nothing happened in the brothel I assume that he is still…"

"Okay, okay, I got it, Sam. I got it." For some reason Dean doesn't want to discuss Cas' virginity with his brother. He regrets that he told him in the first place. "I'm sure he's gonna say no anyways."

"I've never been on a date before." Castiel says thoughtfully when Dean tells him about it.

It's weird that he's even considering that, but Dean is secretly glad that he does. No doubt it's a stupid idea but at least they're on this together.

"It's easy, man. We just go to a bar, have drinks and chat. Spend time together like friends. It's very casual."

"Will there be lots of half naked women again? Because in that case I can't go there, Dean."

"No, no! No whorehouses anymore. Lisa's friend is a nice girl. And hey, her name is Angela! This time it's definitely kismet." he grins, but Castiel still seems to hesitate.

"And what exactly should I do?" he asks carefully.

"Just play along and have a good time. And if you like your date you may kiss her when you say goodbye." Dean doesn't mention sex this time. He figured that if Cas doesn't feel comfortable with it, he won't force him either.

"Come on, Cas. It'll be fun. It's not like we're gonna spend time together very often. I don't hunt anymore; you're in Heaven most of the time. Let's just go out one last time." And maybe that's what makes Dean so insistent about it.

There is nothing that ties them together anymore. He feels like his old life is running away from him and there is a big part of him which doesn't want it to run away. It scares him.

Castiel tilts his head, studying Dean and he probably sees something in his eyes, something that makes him say:

"Alright, I will go."

Next weekend comes sooner than Dean expected. The four of them meet in a bar not far from Lisa's house. It's not too crowded, the atmosphere is rather cosy and their talk is free and easy at first.

"So, Castiel, tell us where you work." Lisa asks conversationally and Dean is glad that he has discussed with Cas answers to common questions beforehand.

The angel sits stiffly across the table. He locks his eyes with Dean for a moment before he replies. "I am a tax accountant."

Dean figured that nobody would ask a tax accountant to tell more about his work. He was wrong.

"Oh, that's very interesting!" Angela says, looking at Castiel adoringly and it's obvious that she's already totally into him. "Why did you decide to be a tax accountant?"

They didn't go into such detail and Dean hurries to intervene before Cas says something incongruous.

"Oh no, not again." he says rolling his eyes dramatically. "I won't survive hearing that weepy story about family business again." he smirks at Cas and gets a small smile in return.

"Alright then." Angela says. "Tell us how did you guys meet. I mean, you are so different! Though you seem to get along pretty well. Do you have anything in common at all?"

There is confusion flashing in Castiel's eyes and Dean knows that there is the same confusion in his own eyes because he didn't expect that kind of questions. And what should he tell? Oh well, Cas pulled me out of Hell and together we saved the world, stopped the Apocalypse and sent Lucifer back to his cage. Right.

He is surprised when he hears Castiel reply: "We worked together. I was assigned to help Dean, because I'm good with… with bureaucracy and Dean isn't, so I helped him. And Dean helped me and showed me that everything has its… reverse side. It was a beneficial collaboration. We keep in touch ever since." Castiel glances at Dean triumphantly.

Dean gapes at him, surprised at how easy Cas made this up and how imperturbable he remained. Then he thinks that maybe he didn't make it up because everything he said is not too far from the truth. He feels his cheeks blush at the realization. Cas means it.

"Oh, I didn't know that." Lisa says and then asks Angela whether she remembers how they met, but Dean doesn't catch the following part of their conversation.

He looks at Cas and Cas looks right back at him and his stare is so intense that Dean finally has to look away.

He takes in Castiel's appearance and thinks that it was a good idea to make him lose his trench coat, jacket and tie for the night. He looks fine in a plain white shirt with his sleeves rolled at the elbows – very casual and very human. He looks at the long slender fingers wrapped around the glass of beer covered with condensation. He looks at how the exposed muscles of his arms move when Cas lifts the glass to his lips.

He hears the women talking in the background and figures his participation still isn't necessary so he continues staring at Cas and wondering whether this really is the last time he sees him.

Although Castiel still has to help Sam and Bobby with Canaan witchcraft Dean most likely wouldn't be allowed to participate. So yeah, it could be the last time they see each other.

Castiel takes a large swig of beer and when he puts the glass back on the table there is some foam left above his upper lip.

Dean waves his hand at his own lips expecting Cas to repeat after him and wipe the foam away. But Cas doesn't get the hint and just looks at Dean with lack of understanding. Dean waves again but the angel still doesn't understand.

He only frowns and asks: "What is it, Dean?"

Dean mutters: "There is..." and then he gives up and just reaches out across the table, his hand clutching Castiel's stubbly jaw, and wipes the foam swiftly with his thumb.

Only when he catches Cas' confused stare he realizes what he's done and how his gesture must look. He quickly moves his hand away but it's too late because Lisa and Angela stopped talking at some point and are staring at them in surprise.

"I, um, there was… something…" Dean gestures at his own lips. "There."

"Thank you." Castiel says, never tearing his eyes away from Dean's and that doesn't make the following silence less awkward.

Angela breaks it first. "Oh, this is my favorite song! Castiel, would you like to dance?"

There is something slow and weeping sounding from the speakers in the corner. Castiel stands up and follows Angela, Dean and Lisa join them shortly.

"Are you okay?" Lisa asks quietly as they move slowly to the music. "You seem… distracted."

"I'm fine." he smiles but the smile doesn't reach his eyes. He looks across the room where Cas is dancing with Angela and meets his eyes. Dean nods and the angel nods back but neither of them move their eyes away.

The music finally fades and they return to their booth. The rest of the evening passes without accidents. Dean avoids looking at Cas too much but it's still often enough to notice that Cas also avoids looking at him.

It is only later outside the bar when the two of them wait for Lisa and Angela that Castiel speaks, "Dean. I wanted to say thank you. I had a good time today, it was an interesting experience." And there it goes again, Cas is staring at him with the bluest eyes ever, makes a step closer and breaks into Dean's personal space. Dean doesn't object too much, though.

"Yeah. You're welcome, dude." he tries to keep his tone light and not think about this probably being the last time he sees Cas. He wants to ask if it is really so, but doesn't.

Suddenly Cas is even closer and he isn't looking directly in Dean's eyes anymore, but lower. Dean's tongue flicks out reflectively and moistens the suddenly dry surface of his lips.

The night is chilly but Castiel's closeness promises warmth that makes him shiver in anticipation.

'This can't be happening' he thinks but his body seems to be all the way into it. He makes a step forward wondering what it would feel like to be pressed against Cas.

He never finds out though because at that moment the door to the bar opens, Lisa and Angela appearing in the door frame.

And if Dean paid more attention he would have noticed Lisa's suspicious stare but he doesn't so they all just go in the direction of the Impala.

"Um, guys, you know what, I think I will take a cab." Angela says.

They say their goodbyes and it's a little awkward, because Cas makes no attempt to see her to the cab and just stands stiffly by Dean's side. When Angela leaves, he turns to Dean:

"I should go, too." he turns to face Lisa. "It was nice to meet you."

Lisa nods and smiles at him faintly. "Goodbye, Castiel."

The angel turns back to Dean: "Goodbye." turns around and walks away and thank God, because Dean was already afraid that he would forget and just zap off right in front of Lisa.

When the angel disappears from their sight, Dean gets in the car and Lisa follows him in silence. They don't speak for a while, but then she asks, turning in her seat to face him:

"Is there something between you and Castiel?"

The question takes Dean off guard, but he tries not to show it.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, come on. I saw the way you looked at him and the way he looked at you. You couldn't tear your eyes away from each other." she glares at him demandingly.

Dean keeps his eyes on the road. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Lisa doesn't say anything at that and turns away to the window. They don't speak the rest of the drive.

That night Dean sleeps on the couch in the living room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **Freedom comes naturally. Chapter 3

**Rating: **T (this part)

**Author's notes: **I must tell you guys that this fic is going not the way I planned it, but I hope that's a good way.

Also, I promised one of my readers here, **67impala**, that I would include "embarrassing things" Dean says to Cas in my new fic. So here it is, I hope you like it :)

Once again, the fic is un-betaed. Reviews are love.

**Chapter 3**

It is all Sam's fault.

If only he let him hunt with them, Dean wouldn't be stuck right now in the middle of nowhere which happens to be the town of Canaan searching for a friggin' witch in what looks like an abandoned warehouse.

And maybe it's reckless to come here on his own but its not like he has much choice. He has struggled with this idea ever since Sam told him about it three days ago but finally gave in. He just couldn't stand being useless, couldn't stand the idleness when everybody else has a shitload of work. Nobody, even his brother, has any right to tell him what to do.

So here he is walking through a dark and empty corridor just like in old times and there is this familiar rush of adrenaline, the buck fever and it feels good, it makes him feel alive.

But time passes and nothing happens and Dean already starts having doubts – maybe he is mistaken and maybe there is no witch in here.

His thoughts are suddenly interrupted by a flash of bright light and he is sent flying to the opposite wall and hits the back of his head against it on his way down. His vision blurs and he feels that he's losing consciousness but he manages to reach for his cell phone and press the speed dial.

Sam picks up on the second ring and Dean with a faltering tongue manages to tell him where he is before he blacks out.

Sam calls Castiel – there is no other way to get in Canaan fast enough other than with the angel's help.

They search the empty rooms of the warehouse for an hour before Sam finds his brother lying on the floor, his face bruised, and blood clotting at his temple.

"Dean? Dean!" he is both relieved and pissed when Dean opens his eyes and stares up at him blankly. "You're okay, dude?"

Dean blinks at him a couple of times and smiles weakly with recognition. "Sammy."

"Can you get up?" Sam asks and takes him by the elbow.

Dean nods and sits up slowly, staring in front of him.

"Did you see who knocked you out?" Sam turns his flashlight to light up the corridor. Whatever it is, it could still be here.

Dean ignores his question. Instead, he reaches out, wraps his arms around Sam and says "I love you, Sammy."

Sam startles "Dean? Are you alright?"

Once again Dean ignores that, only tightens his grip around his brother. "You are the only family I've got, Sam. You're my little brother and always will be, no matter what you do. I will always take care of you." He ruffles up Sam's hair with affection.

"Okay, you're obviously not alright." Sam says trying to get himself our of Dean's grip.

He figures Dean was put under some kind of spell but it would take time to find out what exactly it is.

He helps Dean to stand up, but his legs are still weak so he has to lean on Sam so that he wouldn't fall.

"Thank you, Sammy. You're such a good brother, always saving my ass." Dean mumbles almost incoherently.

"Yeah, don't mention it." Sam says. He hears footsteps behind his back and turns around to see Castiel. "I found him, Cas. He's here."

"Did I say that I love you, Sammy?" Dean asks again.

Sam rolls his eyes at him. "Yeah, I heard that already."

"Is he alright?" Castiel approaches them, worry in his eyes, looks Dean in the face.

"Physically, yes but I think he is under some kind of spell." Sam explains.

Castiel frowns. "What spell?"

Dean notices the angel and his face brightens up instantly. "Cas!" he grins and makes a step forward to put his arms around Castiel.

"That kind of spell." Sam chuckles. "He's hugging around."

"Hey, Cas." Dean mumbles, holding him tightly.

"Hello, Dean." Castiel looks at him with surprise.

Sam almost cracks up laughing at the sight. Castiel is standing awkwardly with his hands pressed to his body and looks like he's being strangled.

Dean probably feels it, because he draws back a little, looks him in the face and says "I missed you."

"Can you do anything about it?" Sam asks.

The angel looks thoughtful when he presses two fingers to Dean's forehead. The next second there is no blood there, and the skin is free from bruises, but Dean is still leaning on Cas and still looks like he would fall if he lets go of the angel's shoulder.

"Did it help?" Sam asks. "How do you feel, Dean?"

Dean smiles at him sheepishly. "I'm good, Sammy. I'm awesome." He turns back to staring at Castiel.

"I guess that's a 'no'."

"I cannot take off the spell unless I know the source of it." Castiel says. "I healed his physical injuries but the spell affects his consciousness and unless I know the nature of it I can't do anything." Dean starts nuzzling his neck while he speaks and the angel stutters. "We… need to find out who or what did this to him."

"'S good to see you, Cas." Dean murmurs in the crook of his neck. "Thought I'd never see you again." Castiel stands stiffly and stares at him in puzzlement, as if he cannot decide what to do.

"Uh, I think we'd better take him to Bobby's." Sam says. It's weird to see Dean like that. Even in the worst state of drunkenness he doesn't do anything of that sort.

Castiel nods his agreement and touches both his and Dean's foreheads and the next second the three of them are standing in Bobby's living room.

"What the hell… "The older man startles. "Castiel, I told you not to zap…" but he doesn't finish because Dean is already hugging him with a happy "Bobby!" and the air is drawn out of his lungs. "What the…" he looks at Sam and Castiel over Dean's shoulder, his eyes wide.

"Yeah, he's been like that since we found him." Sam explains.

"Bobby, you know you're like a father to me, do you?" Dean asks seriously. "Thanks for everything you do for us, Bobby. Sorry if I ever hurt you."

Bobby hardly manages to untangle himself from Dean's embrace. "What happened to him?"

"It's a spell and it's very strong." Castiel says. "It would probably wear off by itself but it's hard to say for sure. We need to go back there."

Dean finally leaves Bobby alone and gets back to hugging Cas. He approaches the angel from behind and wraps his arms around his waist, laying his chin on Cas' shoulder.

"Nerdy angel." he murmurs affectionately. "He's so smart, isn't he?" he asks Sam.

Sam hardly holds himself from laughing. "Yeah, man, he's very smart." Oh, he is so gonna use this against Dean afterwards.

"Whatever it is, Cas, I think we scared it off. We won't find it there now." Sam tries not to smile at how confused Cas looks. "I should probably hit the local library and search for clues there."

Castiel shakes his head. "Whatever it is, it appeared there recently, I don't think…"

But he doesn't finish whatever he was going to say, because Dean suddenly buries his nose in his hair and breathes in the scent.

"You smell like apple pie." he murmurs against Castiel's ear but it's loud enough for everybody else to hear.

Castiel looks horrified. He stands still in Dean's arms and holds his breath as if there's a snake around him that's preparing to bite.

"Hmmph..." Dean practically purrs and plants few butterfly kisses under Castiel's ear.

"Um, Dean, why don't you lie down?" Sam suggests and not only because Dean is pale and still unsteady on his feet but also because hopefully then he would leave Cas alone.

But Dean apparently has another idea. He drags Castiel towards the couch with him and after the angel is forced to sit there he lies down putting his head in Castiel's lap.

Castiel stares down at him and Sam could swear there is a pinkish color touching his cheeks, but otherwise his facial expression is unreadable.

"Hey." Dean smiles looking up at him.

"Why is he groping you so much anyways?" Bobby asks Castiel. "I mean, he groped me and Sam, too, but this… Thank God it's not some kind of sex pollen!"

Sam chuckles "Maybe that's because Cas is an angel? His mojo and everything, maybe that's why." he suggests but then thinks that the explanation is rather far-fetched.

"What worries me is that the spell is very strong." Castiel says doing his best to ignore Dean's head squirming in his lap, trying to get comfortable. "If… if it's really a witch then she's very powerful. And there is only one way for a witch to get such powers."

"Make a deal with a demon." Sam finishes for him.

Castiel nods. "It means that the demon standing behind this is very strong." He can't help but look down at Dean again. Their eyes meet.

"Whoa." Dean suddenly says. "Your eyes are so blue…" he stares at Cas in awe. "They're like friggin' oceans." he reaches up, never tearing his eyes away from Cas', and traces his fingertips along his jaw, then runs his thumb over his lips. "You are beautiful." he whispers.

Now Castiel is clearly blushing, but he doesn't flinch or move away, letting Dean do what he wants.

It is as if he enjoys it, Sam thinks and wonders whether angels feel the need for touch like humans. If they do, then Cas should be suffering from a severe tactile deprivation by now.

Castiel's face, however, remains indifferent and Sam brushes the thought away.

Bobby is the one to break the awkward silence. He shakes his head in disbelief. "I guess that thing hit him really hard. I'm gonna call Rufus and tell him what happened. Maybe they know something we don't." he turns to leave. "And for God's sake, take him home already!"

Sam shakes his head. "We can't take him home."

"Why the hell not?"

"Do you want Dean to tell Lisa that Cas smells like pie?" Sam retorts. "Because something tells me she wouldn't like that."

Bobby sighs. "Fine. Get him upstairs."

"C'mon Dean lets go." Sam gestures for his brother to follow him.

Dean shakes his head. "I'm not going anywhere without Cas."

Sam looks pleadingly at Castiel.

"I will take him." Castiel says and Dean gets up from his lap.

They practically drag him upstairs, because Dean is weak and stumbles all the time. Surely Castiel could have zapped him there but Bobby is afraid he might get sick and ruin his carpet.

"I need to inform the Host before we go back there." Castiel says watching Sam take off Dean's jacket and shoes.

Sam nods. "I will do some research then." He throws back the blanket and Dean crawls sleepily under it.

Castiel looks at him thoughtfully and then turns to leave, but Dean's voice stops him.

"Cas." He mumbles.

"Yes, Dean?"

Dean looks at the angel with pleading in his eyes.

"Stay." He says quietly and the simple word lingers in the air between them.

"Dean, Cas has more important things to do..." Sam starts objecting, but Castiel interrupts him.

"It's alright, Sam." He says, voice full of resolve. "I'll stay."

Sam stares at him. "Are you sure? Cas, you don't have to…"

Castiel starts taking off his trench coat. "I'm sure."

Sam stares at him in disbelief. "Alright. I'll be downstairs if you need anything." he glances at them once last time and leaves.

Castiel puts his trench coat on a chair beside the bed, then takes off his suit jacket and undoes the knot on his tie. He knows he shouldn't be doing this, has no time or right to be here, knows that the Host would demand explanations for his long absence.

But when Dean looks at him like that all those reasons dissolve into thin air.

"C'mere." Dean mumbles and moves aside to make space for him.

Castiel sits carefully on the bed and a strong arm wraps around his waist, Dean pulls the angel down with him, covering them both with the blanket.

The sensation of being pressed against another warm body is both new and pleasant to Castiel. He doesn't resist when Dean puts a hand on his back and starts drawing small circles with his thumb.

"I missed you, Cas." Dean mumbles once again, looking at him in the dark. "I don't want you to leave."

Castiel feels a strange flutter in his chest. He wishes he could say that he won't leave Dean, but he cannot make promises like that.

He feels Dean's hand moving up along his spine to rest on the back of his head and warm fingers start stroking through his hair. The feeling is so good it sends shivers through Castiel's body and the angel can't help but lean into the touch. He feels guilty for enjoying this because Dean isn't in control of his actions and it is simply unfair. But his touch is so tender and yet so firm and it's something Castiel has never experienced before so he stifles the guilt and finally relaxes in Dean's arms.

"That's better." Dean whispers and closes his eyes. In a few minutes he is fast asleep.

Castiel studies his relaxed features and brings his hand up to touch his face. He traces the soft lines and sharp edges, mesmerized by their exquisite combination. Then he leans in and whispers:

"I missed you, too."

Dean wakes up because his head is killing him. It's throbbing with pain and every move is a pure torture. He opens his eyes: the room looks faintly familiar. It's not Lisa's bedroom, but he has definitely seen these curtains before.

It takes another minute to remember that it's Bobby's guest room, although he has no idea how he got here. Then he remembers the warehouse and a flash of light. He called Sam, that's probably why he's here.

It takes half an hour to get out of the bed and crawl down to the kitchen. His eyes are still half closed because sunlight increases the headache.

"Morning, sunshine." Sam greets.

"Shut up, jerk." He sits down to the table and covers his face with his hands. "My head hurts like a bitch."

Sam raises his eyebrows. "Oh, so Cas was right and the spell did wear off."

"What spell?" Dean spreads his fingers and looks through them at his brother. "Wait. Cas was here?"

Sam smirks. "You don't remember what happened?"

"Last thing I remember is calling you. And then I wake up with the worst hangover ever."

"You were hit by some kind of spell. But we're working on it with Cas." Sam gets up. He doesn't tell more about what happened, he'll do that later when Dean is in a better shape.

"Dude, you want coffee? You look like you need one."

Dean nods. "Thanks."

"Oh, and Lisa called. She's worried about you, you should call her back." He opens the fridge. "Do you want something to eat? I could fix you something."

Dean wants to say 'no' but then hesitates and asks:

"Do we have apple pie?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **Freedom comes naturally. Chapter 4

**Rating: **M

**Author's notes: **Guys, I'm really sorry for delay, but my studies take all my time and energy.

I've been thinking about this chapter for a while now so here it is. Also inspired by the lack of Dean/Cas in season 6 so far (I just really miss our OTP).

Probably the porniest thing I've ever published. Hope you enjoy it.

Once again, the fic is un-betaed. Reviews are love.

Few days go by within which Dean hears nothing form Castiel.

He works a lot, keeps himself busy, attempting to return to the slow life he's been living, but something's different now, although barely tangible.

He avoids Lisa as much as he can because every time he looks at her there is that thoughtfulness in her eyes which makes him feel terribly guilty, he doesn't really know why.

He can't help but think about his old life, about hunting with Sam, being constantly on the road, saving people. It was hard, true, but it was his life and he was used to it, unlike the life he has now. He feels guilty for not enjoying it. Something is wrong but he can't figure out what exactly it is. After half a year, he still doesn't feel like he belongs here.

Another thing, he can't help but think about Cas. The bastard once again stormed into his life, turned everything upside down, made him question everything, made him doubt.

Dean hates that, hates admitting that something is wrong with this apple pie life he's been longing for.

Then Sam calls and it turns out that Castiel hasn't contacted them either. This is weird because, according to Sam, Cas promised to help and he rarely breaks his promises. Unless something has happened.

"Anyway, we can't wait any longer." His brother says. "We're going to Canaan tomorrow."

"I'm going with you then." Dean tries to sound determined. There is no way he lets his brother and Bobby go there alone, not after what happened to him. Besides, they aren't even sure what they're dealing with. Going there without backup is suicidal.

"Are you sure about it, Dean?" Sam asks, resuming their argument the umpteenth time. "We can handle it on our own." Despite his words, there is something in Sam's voice that tells Dean his brother will give in this time.

"Sammy, it is now a matter of honor to me to hunt down this son of a bitch." Dean says. "Besides, it seems you could do with an extra pair of hands."

He has to stifle a faint feeling of resentment when he thinks that Castiel could at least let them know that he won't join them. There are obviously more important things to do in Heaven, he tells himself, not sure why he's trying to justify Cas' behavior in the first place.

As if hearing his thoughts, Sam suddenly says. "I wonder why Castiel didn't show up."

"Well, maybe something's happened up there." Dean suggests. He really wouldn't like that though. He prefers Cas' feathery ass safe and unharmed.

"I dunno, Dean." Sam says and Dean hears a smirk in his voice. "Maybe you've just freaked him out with your fangirling."

"Shut up, bitch!" Dean snaps, feeling his cheeks blush desperately and he's glad his brother can't see that.

Sam has vaguely told about his embarrassing behavior the other day and Dean is still having a hard time dismissing the matter with jokes. Telling Castiel how blue his eyes are is not something he'd like his brother or Bobby to witness.

But maybe Sam is right, maybe Castiel did freak out, maybe he was insulted, who knows what's going on in the feathery head of his. Dean will probably never find it out.

Another fifteen minutes of arguing and Sam reluctantly agrees that Dean goes with them.

And even though he says it's a one time thing, Dean knows it's not true.

He hates to admit, but he is happy more than he should be. Saving people always feels great because it gives the feeling that you're needed. But it's not just that.

He is giddy with anticipation and just can't help it. He can't wait to make up for his unfortunate comeback, kick that bitches ass, knowing how great it would feel. It would be like a breath of fresh air, like rain after months of drought, like a glass of icy cold water, blue, just like Castiel's eyes are. Dammit. He should really stop thinking about Cas' eyes, it becomes disturbing.

After hanging up Dean decides to spend the rest of the day in the garage to get a distraction. Besides, he needs to check on his baby before he takes off in the morning, make sure everything's okay.

He works a few hours before a rustle of wings startles him; he almost bumps his head against the opened hood of the Impala. Cursing under his breath, he turns around to find Castiel standing in the door frame.

"Dean." He is flustered and a little out of breath as if he's been running. He crosses the garage in few long strides and stands right in front of the man.

"Cas?" he looks all over the angel, wiping grease off his hands with a rag. "What are you doing here? Where've you been?" And he sounds totally not accusing.

"I need to warn you." Castiel says in his deep voice which is raspier than usual. Otherwise he looks the same – the ever present trench coat, the loosened tie and the shirt which looks even whiter in comparison to Dean's old threadbare t-shirt covered in sweat and motor oil.

He makes a mental note to take a shower ASAP and gives Cas a puzzled look. "Warn about what?"

"That creature you're going to hunt tomorrow. It's not a witch."

"What the hell is it then?" He doesn't even bother to ask how Cas found out about when they go to Canaan. He somehow always knows.

Castiel's eyes glisten somewhat agitatedly when he says. "It's an angel of the Lord."

"A… what?" At first Dean thinks he misheard. "An angel?"

Castiel nods. "His name is Ramiel. In fact, there might be two of them, we're just not sure yet."

Dean stares at him in disbelief. "I always knew your brothers are douchebags, but this…" He shakes his head. "Dammit, Cas. Angels?."

Castiel looks down, obviously ashamed of his brothers. "I believe they lost their faith in our Father." He says sadly, and there is hurt flashing in his eyes.

Dean feels a sudden urge to comfort him, but instead he asks:

"Alright then, what do we do to stop him?"

"You don't have to do anything. It is our issue and we will take care of it on our own." Castiel replies sternly.

Dean snorts. "Yeah, sure. Cause you guys always do the right thing. No dice Cas, we're going."

The air in the garage suddenly feels too heated for the chilly autumn weather outside. Dean even glances at the door to find it still open. Maybe it's just because he's been working.

He glances back at Castiel who is studying him with the curiosity of a collector who found a very rare species of butterfly. "Why do you always have to contradict me, Dean?" There is something that sounds too much like irritation in his voice mingled with a shade of sadness.

Dean doesn't bother answering. "What's happening up there, Cas?" Because he might not have the ability to read minds, but something is troubling Castiel, he can tell the angel is holding something back.

There is silence for a while, Dean waiting for Castiel to reply, Castiel seemingly torn by an internal strife.

"It's the Host." He finally says. "They decided that I shouldn't come down to earth for a while." His voice is calm and even a little official. "They have assigned another angel to stop Ramiel."

"Wait a sec, I thought you were the boss up there. Why the hell would anybody decide what you do?"

Castiel looks away, suddenly very interested in the tools lying on an old stool and scattered about the floor.

"Raphael believes that I get… distracted down here. The Council took a vote and everybody supported him."

Dean lowers his head, tries to look him in the face but Castiel doesn't look back.

"What do you mean distracted? Like… that thing you told me about before that you are… attached to me or something?"

Castiel looks directly at him as if firmly resolved to say it no matter how reluctant he is.

"Yes." He says. "You could say that."

Dean makes a step closer. "There is something else, right? I know that guilty look on your face. C'mon, Cas, tell me." And then adds, lowering his voice. "What they say has never stopped you before. Why does it now?"

Castiel looks back at him. "They believe I am being immersed by inappropriate, human emotions."

Dean looks at him, surprised. Did Cas just say what he thinks he did? No, it can't be.

"But…they're wrong, right?" He asks carefully.

"I think they're right saying that I've been among humans for too long." Castiel deliberately escapes his question. "They are probably right saying that I should stay in Heaven for a while."

"How long is 'a while'?" Dean asks because he damn well knows that angels understand time differently.

Castiel locks their eyes and says evenly. "A century. Maybe two. I actually came to say goodbye."

Dean's heart sinks. A century?

Blood is suddenly hammering against his eardrums, rushing faster through the veins for an unknown reason. Cas might as well say forever. Dean doesn't know why that affects him so much for only a few weeks ago he was prepared to never see Cas again.

But right now 'a century' sounds like a death sentence and feels like a knife in the windpipe. He is suddenly angry and frustrated and oh so eager to kick somebody's ass.

He throws away the poor rag he's been crumpling up in his hands the whole time, noticing with irritation that there is now even more grease on his hands than when he picked it up.

"Seriously, Cas?" He snarls. "Just like that? Raphael says so and you are suddenly his little bitch? Just because you got your shiny armor back?"

Castiel tenses, hands forming into tight fists against his body. "Dean, don't." He warns.

But Dean pays no heed to that. "This is what you always wanted, huh? To be that arrogant, mojo infused Heaven's bitch again?" And maybe that's too harsh but he can't bring himself to care. "Well, aren't you the lucky one." He spits the words bitterly.

"I only follow my orders, Dean." Castiel replies, meeting his accusing stare. "I have ceded the governance to Raphael willingly and I'm not going to ignore his or the Council's decisions."

Dean wants to remind Castiel how he rebelled against Heaven not so long ago, how he broke rules here and there and questioned the orders he received, but then something in the angel's words stops him.

"Wait, what? How come you have given it up to Raphael?"

Castiel presses up his lips. "It was my decision. I believed I would be more useful here on earth. But being around humans changes me. Your emotions are… too intense for us. Angels are not meant to experience them."

Dean shakes his head frantically. "No, Cas, you were right. You are more useful here rather than carrying out some stupid ass' orders up there."

Castiel actually lets out a bitter laugh. "Everything I did here was in vain. It's you, Dean. You and Sam who stopped the Apocalypse, not me. I've barely helped." He looks down at the scattered tools again, as if hypnotized by the complete chaos they are lying in.

Dean follows his stare and suddenly thinks that these tools are a perfect reflection of himself: worn, dirty and so messed up.

Suddenly it's crystal clear that the Apocalypse may be over but his personal End of the World is about to start the moment Castiel zaps off for good. Dean can't let that happen.

"Don't do it." He says stubbornly. "You can't."

Blue eyes lift up to pierce him through. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't." It sounds like a challenge, as if Castiel dares him to spill everything that's on his mind. As if he already knows. The bastard!

Dean cannot do it. Not because he's a coward but because he himself is not entirely sure what it is. There is just this constant burning in his chest which becomes worse at the thought of never seeing Cas again. He doesn't know how to get rid of it so he does the only thing he's good at. Acting on instinct.

He makes a small step and stands in Cas' personal space, bodies almost but not actually touching. Quickly, without giving himself time to change his mind, Dean leans in, catching Castiel's lips with his.

To his surprise the angel feels and tastes very human but that's pretty much everything he manages to register before sparks of pleasure force out every single thought from his head.

At first he just greedily, shamelessly enjoys the feeling of Castiel - soft and warm beneath his touch. The angel doesn't flinch at the contact but, to Dean's faint disappointment, doesn't reply either. He just stands stiffly, hands still hanging somewhat awkwardly by his sides, and lets Dean kiss him.

Faint panic replaces pleasure as Dean thinks that he's made a mistake, that Castiel doesn't feel that way. But he still doesn't draw back, afraid of the moment he looks in the angel's eyes and sees shock, contempt or disgust.

He holds Castiel's lower lip, savoring, memorizing its taste, keeping himself from swiping his tongue along its curve.

Suddenly he is angry, because seriously, he might as well be kissing a statue and a little initiative would be nice.

But Cas doesn't move an inch, doesn't even breathe and Dean finally draws back for the sake of his poor oxygen deprived vessel and makes a step away.

Castiel stares at him in shock, just like Dean thought he would, but there is no disgust or contempt in his eyes. He's breathing hard and Dean can't help but glance briefly at his swollen lips.

Silence lingers in the air and if Dean thought they were falling apart before now it feels like there are glaciers between them. Somehow he managed to make it worse, fucked everything up just like the always does. Perfect.

"Cas, I'm sorry, I…" But he doesn't finish whatever he was going to say.

Next thing he knows, Castiel is attacking him, grabs handfuls of his sweat soaked t-shirt and pulls him close, pressing their opened mouths together.

Dean lets out a surprised groan but there is only a second of indecision before he grabs the lapels of the tan trench coat and kisses Castiel back, their tongues curling against one another. His last coherent thought is that kissing like this is probably illegal in some countries.

There is suddenly a loud bang at the other side of the garage and Dean quickly glances in that direction to find the door slam behind them. Cas acts like he has nothing to do with it, only makes a strangled noise in his throat, drawing back Dean's attention.

Together they stumble further inside the garage, grabbing at each other desperately, knocking off the stool on the way, tools sent flying in different directions, making plenty of noise. Both men are too busy to care though.

Castiel presses Dean to the wall; their bodies now flush against each other from thighs to shoulders, and kisses him as if his life depends on it.

Dean is standing still for a moment, letting Cas do what he wants to, enjoying the electric jolts coursing all over his body at every touch. Firm hands explore his shoulders, his arms and chest and finally go down to grab the hems of his t-shirt, pulling it over his head.

Seeing Castiel, always collected and calm, moaning and loosing control like this is the hottest thing ever, and Dean soon finds it impossible to stand still. He grabs Castiel by the shoulders and switches their position so now it's Cas who is pressed against the wall.

"Dean, Dean." He chants like a prayer, warm hands roaming all over Dean's now naked chest.

Dean looks up at him and can't stiffen a moan at the sight of Castiel's flushed cheeks and heavy lidded eyes with thick black eyelashes resting against the heated skin.

Suddenly Dean realizes that they both are too far gone. They shouldn't be doing this, there is a thousand and one reason why they shouldn't. But at the same time he knows that neither he nor Cas can stop at this point.

"Shh, Cas." He coos, stroking Castiel's tangled hair with his greasy hand. "It'll be good, I promise." He doesn't even know what he means, he hasn't really even given it a thought.

This is certainly not the time nor place to give Cas a crash course in sexuality. With horror he remembers that Lisa is at home and might come check on him at any moment. They really should stop this before it's too late. But Cas is writhing under his touch and almost begging him and that might be the last time they see each other so he would never have another chance.

He kisses Cas again, but this time it's bittersweet, and Castiel probably feels it, too, or reads it in his head, because when he responds it is with a desperate eagerness and it almost hurts.

They just kiss for a while, rougher than before, biting and tugging at each others lips, but soon kissing is not enough. They both need more, although Dean knows that they can't get what they really want. It's the wrong time and the wrong place and probably the wrong fucking universe.

"Dean." Castiel moans and now the desperation is evident in his voice. Dean realizes that he's losing control over his body at the sound of it.

He spreads Castiel's legs with his thigh, getting in between, seeking more friction, looking for an angle that would work for them both, because he just can't stand it anymore.

Castiel makes a strangled noise, bumps his head against the wall behind him, his eyes rolling behind his head, and Dean guesses he found it.

He leans in and buries his nose in Castiel's neck, smelling skin and a little sweat, presses hip lips to where pulse flutters, tasting saltiness on his tongue.

He moves his hips faster, feeling Castiel rub against him in response, getting them both closer to completion.

"Dean, Dean, I…" Castiel pants helplessly.

"Shh, 's okay, let it go, Cas." Dean assures him, feeling his own orgasm getting closer.

Suddenly to his utter horror he hears Lisa's voice outside. "Dean, what was that noise? Are you okay?" He hears her steps approaching the garage.

"Shit." Dean curses, but doesn't stop moving, he just can't.

Castiel shudders, bumps his head against the wall again and moans so loud Dean has to put his greasy hand over his mouth to muffle it.

"Shh, Cas, shh..." Dean whispers and feels Castiel come in his arms, shuddering with release, and presses his lips to Cas' ear, hears himself whispering desperately. "I choose freedom, okay?" Bites his lower lip, stiffening a moan, and comes harder than ever before, his vision blacking out for a while.

Seconds pass until Dean manages to draw away to find Cas staring at him with wide eyes, all messed up, still panting, with grease smeared all over his face and his clothes.

"Cas…" Dean says, not even knowing where to start.

But suddenly the door to the garage starts opening and Lisa's voice reaches them once again, clearer now. "Dean? Are you here? I heard strange noises. Are you okay?"

Dean curses under his breath, turns back to Cas, intending to ask him to zap them away, to hide them, whatever.

But there is nobody standing against the wall, the garage is already empty.

"Shit." Dean curses, leaning against the wall, and closes his eyes. His knees are too weak to hold his weight so he goes down the wall and sits on the floor, covering his face with his hands. "Dammit."

So his personal Apocalypse has started.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **I must admit that my SPN muse took a vacation for a couple of weeks. But she's back now thanks to your lovely reviews and two awesome SPN episodes with our OTP!

This chapter is a little longer than my usual ones, but I just couldn't stop writing and didn't want to cut it.

Once again, the fic is un-beta'd. Reviews…well, here is what they do to me:

'…The hardest part of ending  
is starting again…'  
-Linkin Park 'Waiting for the end'

He leaves Lisa's place later that day.

There is no shouting, no tears - Lisa is an understanding woman, she just lets him go.

Of course he will miss them, her and Ben, and the quiet life they shared, but they both agreed that it would be better for everybody that he leaves. She gave him a chance, an opportunity to try and live a normal life, it's not her fault he realized that a life like this is not for him, it never was.

It was a sweet illusion that somewhere someday he would find happiness and peace. There in the garage in the moment of bliss Dean realized he doesn't need peace. He needs a certain stubborn feathery son of a bitch who thinks he's too good to stay on earth with him. If only he figured it out earlier. But nothing can be changed now.

Sam doesn't ask any questions when he appears on Bobby's doorstep with all his stuff tucked into the Impala's trunk, he probably sees everything in Dean's face. Supportive as always, he gives Dean a pat on the back and offers him a bottle of cold beer.

Sam probably thinks its Lisa who showed Dean the door. Dean doesn't take the trouble to explain. He doesn't care.

He tells Sam and Bobby that Castiel suspects they're dealing with an angel, maybe even two angels. They prepare everything they need for the hunt – holy oil, silver angel knives - and call it a night.

But Dean doesn't sleep. Sleep is not something he needs right now. Going to a bar and getting drunk sounds more appealing, but he has to be in a good shape in the morning, so he settles on tossing and turning on the bed all night. He doesn't think about what happened in the garage, about how warm and nice and _right_ Castiel felt. He doesn't think about how he guiltily enjoyed every bit of it, from the sound of Cas' ragged breaths to the flutter in his own chest, something he hasn't felt in ages. No, he doesn't think about that.

He drifts into a troubled slumber right before the dawn and dreams about blue eyes, pale skin and unruly black hair. He wakes up with Cas' name on his lips and it takes him a few seconds to remember where he is and what has happened the night before. When the reality dawns on him, he wishes it didn't.

On their way to Canaan Sam asks whether Castiel will join them in the hunt; Dean's stomach somersaults at the mention of the angel's name.

"He said he has other things to do." He mutters and fixes his eyes on the road, letting his brother know that the conversation is over.

But Sam doesn't get the hint. "Oh, well. Maybe he's still afraid of you." There is a smile in his voice. He just doesn't get it, apparently thinking that joking about Cas will distract Dean from thoughts of Lisa. He has no idea that doing so he rubs salt into Dean's deepest wounds.

Dean says nothing, just turns the radio volume up and tightens his grip on the steering wheel.

They reach Canaan in the evening. Bobby and Rufus stay outside for backup, Dean and Sam go inside.

The air in the warehouse is humid; it smells like dust and mold. There are no lights, they have to walk almost blindly, but Dean more or less remembers the place. They search room after room, but it's quiet and empty. An hour later there is still nothing and they already decide to wrap up when Sam notices lights coming from under one of the doors they haven't noticed before.

They reach the door on tiptoes, Sam first, Dean right behind him, and open it.

The room is lit with oil lamps burning on the walls covered in sigils - Enochian, as far as Dean can judge- some of them familiar, some not so. Two figures stand in the middle of the room, a man and a woman, looking at them with interest.

"Ah, the famous Winchester brothers." The man says, smiling smugly. "You finally came." He is tall and wearing a business suit and there is something about him that screams he is not human. At least not just human. "I'm Ramiel. And this is Raziel." He gestures towards the woman next to him. She also wears a business suit and a smug smile.

"What poor bastard you are riding there?" Dean asks, not bothering about greetings. And it's not that he hasn't heard about angels wearing humans as meat suits, hell, he knows too much about it. But he's angry and can't miss the chance to be rude with an angel.

"You should show some respect, boy." Raziel interferes, glaring at Dean with contempt. "It's an angel of the Lord you're talking to."

"Screw you." Dean snaps.

"Dean." Sam says warningly, attempting to placate his brother.

"Oh, so it's you. Dean. Dean Winchester." Ramiel says, his eyes widening in pleasant surprise. "The famous Dean Winchester. It's you whom I hit with the spell, isn't it? I've been waiting for you."

Dean frowns. "How do you know me?"

"Oh, everybody knows you, Dean. Angels have been talking about you." His face changes when he says. "Dean Winchester. A human for whose sake an angel of the Lord betrayed Heaven. That's what Castiel did." The man's lips curve slightly in disgust. "He betrayed us all for a human." Now disgust is clear in the man's voice. "And now he wants to do that again."

"What do you mean?" Dean asks, feeling Sam's surprised gaze burning into the side of his head.

"We all heard it." The woman says. "Angels hardly can hide anything from each other. Castiel did a great job doing it, but even he failed eventually. We heard it all."

"Heard what?" Dean asks, impatient, still not understanding what they are driving at. What did Castiel hide from him this time?

"You, Dean. Everything is about you. We heard his worries, concerns about you." Raziel says, wincing in disgust. "And other things, inappropriate for an angel. He dishonored us!"

"There was nothing to dishonor in the first place." Dean retorts. "You're not angels. You're just a bunch of selfish dicks." He feels Sam tense next to him, probably expecting the angels to attack them. But they don't. "Remind me. Since when do angels kill innocent people?"

Ramiel makes a few unhurried steps towards Dean, ignoring his question. "You look like an arrogant baby to me. I wonder what Castiel found in you." He looks genuinely curious.

"My buttocks are really firm." Dean snaps back at him, unblinking.

The angel chuckles. "Well, he'd know. But why don't we ask him personally?"

Dean frowns. Ramiel snaps his fingers. The next moment there is another figure - crouched on the floor – and a damn familiar figure. Those black hair and tan trench coat Dean would never forget.

"Cas!" Sam makes a move towards the angel but Raziel blocks his way. A moan comes from Castiel, but at least that means he's alive. His face is buried in the collar of his coat; he tightens his grip around himself and moans again.

"What the hell did you do to him?" Dean growls.

"I just taught him a little lesson. You see..." Ramiel walks to Castiel and stands by his side. "He came to stop us before you try to do it. He wanted to protect you." He bends down and looks at Castiel. "So loyal…" He kicks the angel hard with his foot.

Dean has a hard time keeping himself from jumping on the bastard, but he knows that would only make everything worse. "Let him go." He mutters through gritted teeth.

"Dean, I'm fine." comes Castiel's rough voice from the floor.

"Yeah, sure you are." Dean snorts sarcastically, turns to Ramiel. "What do you want?"

"Justice." Ramiel says, pressing his lips together. "How can someone like him be a member of the Heavenly Host? How can we let someone who betrayed his family set rules in Heaven? How can we trust someone like that?" He looks down at the figure on the floor. "Look at you, Castiel. What have you become? You're a little puppet in that human's dirty hands. What a sorry sight!"

"He didn't betray anyone." Dean says angrily. "Let him go. It's me who you want, right? It's all my fault. Then take me."

"No." Castiel growls and finally looks up. His face is pale and twisted with pain. There is blood all over his white shirt, soaked through the thin fabric. "Dean, don't do this."

"Cas, shut up." Dean growls back at him.

"Oh, this is adorable." Ramiel laughs, amused. "Now a human sacrifices himself for an angel. How poetic." He turns back to Castiel. "Good news for you, brother, your feelings are not unrequited. Too bad we found it out late."

"Don't listen to him, Ramiel." Castiel's voice is hoarse; he coughs and spits blood on the floor before speaking again. "Let the Winchesters go. It's only about you and me. They have nothing to do with it."

"I'm not going anywhere without him." Dean says stubbornly, putting his hand in his pocket where the silver angel knife is. He makes a few steps towards Ramiel.

"Then I'll have to kill you both." Ramiel replies and catches Dean's hand clutching the knife in the air above him.

The next second Dean is sent flying across the room, hitting his back hard against the wall.

"Dean!" Sam shouts but a moment later he joins his brother, falling on the floor next to him.

"You alright, Sam?" Dean asks.

"Fine." Sam manages, wincing.

Ramiel approaches them, hovering above. "I'm sorry I have to do this."

"Then don't." Dean glares up at him.

Ramiel shakes his head. "I can't, I'm sorry." He raises his hand. "There is no other way."

"No!" Castiel shouts behind his back. Ramiel turns around to glance at him and that distraction is all they need.

Sam quickly withdraws his knife and stabs it into the angel's back. Ramiel lets out a snarl, his body writhes with pain; the room instantly fills with white light which seconds later vanishes in the air.

"You!…" Raziel screams and turns to Sam in rage. "You will regret this!" She jumps in their direction, raises a hand threateningly in the air. But whatever she was going to do, she doesn't, because the room fills with light again.

Dean squeezes his eyes shut and covers his face with a hand.

"Raziel, stop!" A low voice commands. It sounds familiar to Dean. "Otherwise I will have to stop you myself."

Dean peeks through his fingers and sees a familiar face. Raphael.

"Why are you defending them? Castiel betrayed us!" Raziel shouts in despair.

"You are not the one to judge, Raziel. You betrayed us, too. Come back and we will forgive you. But kill Castiel or the Winchesters and the doors of Heaven will be closed for you forever." Raphael says and offers his hand to Raziel. "Make your choice, sister."

Raziel stares at him in contemplation but seconds later takes the offered hand.

Raphael nods. "Good choice." He looks down at Castiel but says nothing. Seconds later he and Raziel disappear.

When the room gets dark again, Dean jumps to his feet and runs towards Castiel.

"Cas." He bends over the crouched angel, grabs him by the shoulders, tries to turn him over and see his face.

"What did they do to him?" Sam asks, kneeling beside Dean, immediately checking the angel's neck for pulse.

Castiel lies unconscious with his shirt is soaked in blood. Dean starts unbuttoning it, but figures it takes too much time and the last buttons are sent flying in different directions as he tears the shirt open. They get the answer to Sam's question when they see Castiel's exposed chest. There are sigils, lots of them, carved into the pale skin.

"Shit." Dean curses. "What the hell is this?" He can tell these are not the banishing sigils Cas carved into his chest before fighting angels in the green room. These are different.

Sam takes Castiel by the shoulder and shakes it. "Cas, can you hear me?" Castiel's eyelids flutter. "Cas!"

"Dean." The angel whispers hoarsely.

Dean lowers his head closer to the angel's face. "I'm here. Cas. What did they do to you?"

Castiel draws in a pained breath. "The sigils prevent me from… healing … they keep my powers contained." He pauses, gathering energy to proceed. "They also prevent me from leaving the vessel…ah…" He moans. "I don't feel so good..."

"He lost too much blood." Sam says, looking at the angel's pale face.

Dean bites his lower lip. "How do we fix it?"

Castiel looks at his chest and winces. "You can't… fix it…until the wounds heal. When the sigils are gone my…powers will be back."

"So we need to wait until the wounds heal?" Sam asks.

Castiel only manages to nod.

"Let's take him to Rufus' then." Sam suggests. "I'll patch him up there."

"Can't you do it here? He's bleeding, man." Dean looks down at Castiel's nasty wounds. The angel closes his eyes weakly. "Hey, Cas. _Cas_. Look at me." He taps the angel lightly on the face. Castiel opens his eyes with effort and looks blankly into Dean's. "Stay with us, buddy."

Sam shakes his head. "We can't do it here, Dean. What if Raphael comes back?"

Dean hesitates and then nods in agreement. "Let's make it quick then."

Together they practically drag Castiel to the Impala, the angel can barely move his legs.

"What the hell happened to the feathery head?" Bobby asks when he notices them.

"Long story." Sam says opening the car door and helping Dean get Castiel in. "We need to get him to Rufus'. Don't have much time."

Bobby nods and heads towards his car.

They lower Castiel carefully on the back seat; he starts loosing his consciousness again and that worries Dean because there's way too much blood on his clothes.

Sam fumbles in his backpack and withdraws a clean towel.

"We need to press it to the wounds" He says and then, noticing concern in his brother's face, adds. "Don't worry, he'll be okay."

Dean doesn't look away from Cas. "Somebody needs to stay with him and make sure he doesn't faint."

Sam nods. "Yeah, okay."

Dean hesitates only a second before asking. "Can you drive?"

Sam studies him a few moments before nodding again. "Sure." He tosses the towel to Dean and goes to the driver's seat without further questions.

"Thanks." Dean moves Cas to make room for himself and puts the angel's head in his lap.

Castiel opens his eyes slowly. "Dean." He even manages a weak smile.

"Yeah, it's me." Dean smiles back. "You're gonna be okay, Cas."

Castiel frowns. "Why is the car spinning?"

"It's not the car." Dean reaches out to remove damp hair plastered to the angel's forehead. "You're just dizzy, you lost too much blood." He presses the towel to Castiel's chest. His other hand stays on Cas' forehead and he starts stroking absently through the dark hair. Castiel closes his eyes again.

"You need to stay awake, Cas."

Blue eyes glance up at him again. "I'm sorry." The angel whispers.

"Sorry?" Dean frowns. "For what?"

Castiel swallows hard, suppressing another pained moan. "I shouldn't have interfered in your life. I… messed things up."

"Shut up." Dean says angrily. "You did nothing wrong."

To his surprise, the angel lets out a bitter laugh. "I wanted to help you. I thought it was my responsibility to watch over you."

"You didn't have to, but it's kinda nice that you did." Dean admits, smiling down at Cas. He doesn't care that Sam probably hears everything they say.

Castiel looks him in the eyes again, but this time the look is not blank, it's full of meaning. They spend the rest of the ride is silence, but Dean never stops stroking Castiel's hair.

Sam patches Castiel up as soon as they arrive at Rufus'. Dean does nothing other than cursing under his breath looking over his brother's shoulder at how deep and nasty the wounds are.

"He should get better tomorrow." Sam says when they finally leave Castiel to rest in one of the spare bedrooms.

Dean nods. "Nerdy angels are tough."

Sam looks at him pensively. "Dean. I'm sorry for what I've said earlier. You know, about you and Cas. I didn't realize he… means so much to you."

Dean shakes his head. "Sam. Don't. It's okay." The last thing he wants after what happened is a chick flick talk with his little brother.

"So Lisa didn't dump you?"

"Nope. I left myself."

"Huh." Is all Sam manages to say.

Dean volunteers to stay by Castiel's bedside at night, it's not that he can get much sleep anyways.

The angel is asleep or at least seems so – his eyes are closed, breath is slow and even. Dean walks quietly to the bed, sits on the edge and checks the bandages carefully – they are clean which means the wounds have stopped bleeding. The tension in Dean's shoulders eases a little.

The angel's face is at last peaceful, no traces of pain in the relaxed features. Suddenly Dean has a feeling of déjà vu, as if he's already been in a situation like this. Only it was him lying in the bed and Castiel was sitting next to him. Without much hesitation, Dean lies next to Cas and wraps his arm carefully around the angel.

"You know," he whispers in Castiel's hair. "I would never admit that… but you scared the hell out of me there, Cas." His fingers start drawing circles on the angel's bandaged chest. "You ever do that to me again, I'll kick your angel ass." He adds in a low voice, not wanting to wake Cas up.

Castiel sighs and stretches slowly under the blanket, moves closer to Dean and murmurs into his neck. "I will keep that in mind."

Dean expects waking up to an empty bed, but when he opens his eyes it turns out he was wrong. He is lying under the blanket (although he doesn't remember getting under it in the first place), another warm body pressed tightly against his side and a mop of tousled black hair resting on his shoulder. Castiel stirs, perhaps sensing the change in Dean's breath, and lifts his head.

"Morning." Dean murmurs, looking down into the dark blue eyes. He doesn't move, reluctant to ruin the moment, and holds Cas close with an arm around his waist. "Feeling better today?"

Castiel nods. "I think the wounds have healed."

"Let me see." Dean asks and shifts, rolling the angel off himself. Much as he'd like to stay in bed all day, he needs to check Cas' wounds first.

Castiel lies obediently against the pillows, peeling the blanket off himself, and looks up at Dean expectantly.

Dean carefully removes the bandages, revealing the smooth and clean skin.

"Whoa." He says, surprised. "I thought you said you can't use your angel mojo. How come you have healed so fast?"

Castiel looks down at his chest. "I needed only one little wound to heal and then the sigils were broken." He looks up at Dean, an amused smile playing in the corners of his mouth.

"That's pretty awesome." Dean smiles back and reaches down to touch the healed skin, wanting to make sure it's not an illusion.

Castiel's skin is soft and pale, but not the unhealthy kind of pale. If Dean were a chick, he'd say it's ivory, but Dean is not a chick, so he just enjoys how it feels under his fingertips. He traces the outline of every muscle, every curve and every hollow. Castiel gasps next to him.

Dean looks up, startled. "Does it hurt?"

Castiel shakes his head. "No, not really." And smiles. On impulse, Dean lowers his head and kisses that smile.

It is meant to be light and brief, but Castiel parts his lips and deepens it, nibbles at Dean's lower lip, finds Dean's tongue with his. They end up gasping and clinging almost desperately onto each other, Dean practically sitting in Cas' lap.

It goes on for a few minutes, but finally Castiel breaks the kiss. "Dean…"

Dean forces himself to tear away, pressing his forehead to Cas'. "Yeah?"

"I have to go." The angel murmurs almost inaudibly.

Dean's heart sinks. "What? Where?"

"The Host is demanding my presence. I need to go. They need me."

Dean moves away, breaking the contact, and sits on the bed, staring angrily at the angel. "Cas, don't do this. Please. After everything that happened… you simply go back to those douchebags?"

Castiel looks back at him, confused. "I have to, Dean, it is my duty."

"Screw the duty!" Dean growls and jumps off the bed. "I… I need you, okay? Here, I say it. I frigging need you! You happy now?" He meets Castiel's surprised stare.

The angel stands up, never breaking eye contact, and whispers.

"I'm sorry."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Guys,I'm so sorry it took me so long to finish this story! But I finally did it!

I had a few ideas how to finish it but settled on the one I came up with during my trip to Italy (you will see why). Other variants may grow into fluffy one-shots.

Once again this is totally unbeta'd. English is still not my mother tongue. Reviews are love. Happy Holidays everyone!

**xxx**

Days pass, turning into weeks a kaleidoscope of hunts, people, and monsters none of them significant enough for Dean's thoughts to linger on. The anger that coiled up in him right after Castiel disappeared starts fading and finally is replaced by apathy.

He can feel Sam's concern, sees it in the glances his brother is throwing in his direction when he thinks Dean isn't paying attention. Dean doesn't even bother to make a pretense that everything is okay.

Three weeks after Castiel left Sam finally corners him and brings up the issue.

"Dean, you can't do this anymore," he says pointedly.

Dean decides to play dumb, raises his eyebrows. "Dunno what you're talking about."

"I'm talking about this." Sam waves at him. "You're like a robot. Do you want, I dunno, talk about it maybe?"

"Hell, no," Dean snaps. No more chick flick moments for Dean Winchester. He has already made a fool of himself plenty of times, thank you very much.

Sam sighs. "You should at least do something." There is this stubbornness in his tone that means he won't drop it.

That's how Dean ends up in a crowded bar with three beers already down his throat and a hot blonde sitting next to him at the counter with a cleavage that leaves little to the imagination. Another beer and Dean will stop thinking that her eyes are not blue enough, that she is wearing too much makeup for his liking, and that the sweetness of her perfume is making him sick. Another beer and he will be ready to take her to the motel and give her the night of her life, forgetting about certain black tousled hair and low raspy voice.

Soon enough the girl (Dean doesn't remember her name so he keeps calling her 'honey' to be safe) moves closer to him, bringing her lips to his ear (he tries not to breathe in her perfume so he won't throw up). To Dean's surprise what she whispers is not what he expected.

"You know," she says conspiratorially, looking somewhere behind Dean's back. "There is this creepy guy who's been sitting here all evening staring at us. He's coming here now."

Dean turns around, frowning, and his heart stops. Everything around turns into colorful blur that spins around one person.

Castiel. He is standing in front of him in his ever present suit and tan trench coat. "Hello, Dean."

Dean blinks few times but the vision doesn't go away. He holds himself from reaching out and touching the angel, making sure he hasn't gone crazy. It's not that Castiel hasn't spontaneously zapped in before but Dean kind of got used to the idea that he won't see the angel again. Yet here he is – imperturbable and very real.

"It's me," Castiel says, seeing doubt in his eyes.

Dean suddenly remembers that he should be pissed at him. "What are you doing here?" he snaps angrily.

"I could have asked you the same thing," Castiel replies, shooting a quick glance at the woman sitting next to him. Dean has already forgotten about her.

She looks at them curiously. "So you guys know each other or somethin'?" They ignore her.

"I need to talk to you," the angel says, fixing his eyes on Dean once again. "In private."

"We have nothing to talk about." Dean turns back to the bottle of beer he's been nursing. He also does that to hide the emotion he knows is displayed on his face for everybody to see. Castiel puts a hand on his shoulder right where his handprint is hidden by the layers of clothes and the hunter wonders whether he did that intentionally.

"This is important," Castiel says, but Dean doesn't move.

"Yeah, well I'm a little busy here," he says stubbornly.

The girl looks between the two of them and makes another attempt to interfere. "Uh, you know what…" But she doesn't finish because both men glare at her with irritation.

"I can do it here if you want," Castiel says pointedly, never letting go of Dean's shoulder. "But I believe you wouldn't like that."

"I don't need your goodbyes, Cas." Dean replies, getting up from his spot. It's much better that way— he doesn't have to look up. "You made your choice, I get it. Quit wasting my time. And yours."

Castiel's eyes soften at these words and fill with sadness. "One minute is all I ask," he says, almost whispers.

Dean can't help it. Castiel's kicked puppy look is even worse than Sam's. It twists and tosses his insides, making him weak and pliant. Next thing he knows Castiel is moving through the crowd towards the exit and Dean is following him, his date once again forgotten.

Once they're outside Castiel looks around to make sure there is nobody else around. Then to Dean's surprise he makes a step closer and without any warning presses their lips together with a muffled sigh.

Everything Dean was going to say, every thought and every witty remark is instantly forgotten. He is still angry – has to be – but when Castiel clings to him so desperately, hands roaming possessively through his hair, kissing him like there is no tomorrow, he gives up and kisses back. He wraps his arms around Cas' waist and pulls him closer, greedy for the warmth that radiates from him – a sharp contrast to the chilly night air. Castiel makes a delicious sound in his throat and licks Dean's mouth open, using more force than is necessary, bites his lower lip in the process. At this point Dean doesn't remember what they were arguing about and why. All he knows is that Cas is finally here and if his neediness is any indication then he missed Dean as much as Dean missed him.

For a while they make out like a couple of teenagers despite the fact that one of them is a heavenly being and the other has literally gone through hell.

Soon just making out is not enough - this is still their long delayed goodbye. Their last (and technically the first) time together is not happening here in a dirty alley behind a bar.

So Dean forces himself to tear away for long enough to rasp out, "Take us somewhere else." Castiel says nothing, only leans in for another kiss and touches two fingers to Dean's forehead.

They stumble together awkwardly, never breaking apart; the ground under their feet is suddenly soft and unsteady. The air has also changed, it is now warmer and smells differently; there is even light breeze. But it is the sound of splashing water that makes Dean move away from Cas and look around. He gasps in surprise.

They are on a beach which is otherwise empty and dark, standing close to where water meets the shore, waves curling and uncurling against the wet sand.

Dean looks at Cas who seems totally uninterested in their surroundings. His fingers play with the hair on the back of Dean's head and even in the dark Dean can see his blown pupils making his eyes almost black.

"You know, any motel would have worked just fine," Dean murmurs.

Castiel lets out a low groan. "Why do you have to contradict me in everything?" Despite the words, there is affection in his tone.

Dean doesn't reply – words are stuck in his throat - instead leaning in for another kiss. There is no time for talking anyway; he doesn't know how much time they have. That's why when Castiel makes an attempt to speak Dean just shuts him up with a finger on his lips.

"Cas. Don't."

"But Dean..."

"Please, Cas. Just shut up." He cups Cas' face with his hands, thumbs stroking the sharp cheekbones, and Castiel nods.

Their next kiss is slow and tentative, exploring and so tender it almost hurts. It makes Dean think that everything else – angels, demons, monsters, and even Heaven can go to Hell.

Dean takes hold of the lapels of Cas' coat and pulls it down his shoulders, throwing it to the ground. They fall on it together, never breaking apart, Dean hovering above Cas, nuzzling his neck and covering it with kisses, then returning to his lips, holding himself from going too fast. No matter what it takes he wants it to be good for Cas, he wants him to know what he's losing, choosing Paradise over him. He wants him to remember.

Castiel lets out a pained moan and the hunter opens his eyes to see blood on the angel's lower lip.

"Sorry, I'm so sorry, Cas," he whispers and licks the red drops away. Castiel kisses him again and his tongue sneaks in Dean's mouth to taste it. Dean groans and opens up for him, letting him take it. His fingers reach out to unbutton the white shirt and soon Castiel's flushed skin is exposed to the breeze coming from the sea. Dean traces every curve and every hollow with his fingertips, trying to memorize how they feel, thinking of the many nights he will spend alone thinking about this, trying to remember, and many other nights when he would so desperately try to forget it.

Castiel gasps against his lips when Dean's thumbs brush his nipples; Dean lowers his head, leaving a trail of kisses on the exposed neck, then moves down to his chest.

Castiel whines and writhes under his touch but he still manages to take the initiative, pulling at Dean's short cut hair, angling his head and showing him what he wants. He may be inexperienced but he's not in the least passive. However he lets Dean take the lead and Dean is thankful that at least something here goes his way.

They end up moaning into the sea air, crumpling the already damp trench coat they're lying on. And then Castiel is coming undone beneath him, gasping his name, and Dean follows him behind. With his head spinning and the darkness around them it feels like falling into the abyss. And maybe it is.

Dean falls down on Cas, crushing him, bodies spent, and they just lie together for a while, listening to their hearts fluttering between them.

The worst thing about it? It's the best sex Dean's ever had. And he can easily imagine long nights and lazy days with Cas when he could teach him all the stuff he knows and explore new things together. He can imagine spending time without the need of hurrying or hiding. Hell, at this point Dean can even consider settling down and even getting a house. After all, it wasn't that bad with Lisa, she just wasn't the right person. Dean can tell that Cas is the right person. That thought makes his chest ache.

He suddenly gets up from Cas and sits on the wet sand, turning away to look at the sea. It's dark and choppy and there is nothing else around and it feels like the end. He closes his eyes, letting the breeze cool his naked body and listens to the sound of water.

Castiel shifts behind him and Dean can feel a warm touch of the hand on his lower back.

"Dean," he says softly. The 'are you alright?' lingers in the air, unspoken.

"What is this place, anyway?" Dean asks, wanting to drag away the inevitable.

"It's the Adriatic sea," Castiel replies quietly and sits beside him, their bodies now almost touching.

Dean raises his eyebrows. So Cas took him to another continent. "Why?"

Castiel shrugs and thinks for a while. "I just… wanted to take you somewhere nice," he says simply.

Dean lets out a half-laugh, half-sob. "Yeah, well thanks for that."

Castiel turns to look at the side of his head, making that adorable and yet annoying head tilt, peering into the hunter's thoughts.

"Something's bothering you," he finally concludes.

This time Dean downright laughs although it's not at all cheerful. "Thanks for the insight."

"Dean."

"Just say it, Cas." Dean turns to look at the angel and instantly regrets it. Castiel looks great like that – all messed up and flushed, lips sore and slightly parted.

The angel frowns. "I'm afraid I don't understand why you are so upset."

Dean clenches his jaw and glares at him. "Whatever, Cas. Just go."

"Why should I go?" Castiel blinks at him and he seems offended but that couldn't be true. Then his eyes widen in understanding and he lets out a surprised 'Oh'.

"Oh?" Dean asks. "Oh what?"

"You didn't let me tell you."

"Tell me what?"

Castiel looks him in the eyes and says the best three words Dean has ever heard. "I'm staying, Dean." Okay, technically it's four words.

"You… what?" Dean asks stupidly, afraid that he misheard.

"I made my choice. I'm staying here. With you. If you want me to, of course." Uncertainty flashes in his eyes. Dean stares at him at first but seeing the expression on Cas' face hurries to wipe it away.

"You bastard," he breathes out and attacks Castiel, pinning him to the ground. "Do you have any idea what I've just gone through here?" he growls in his ear.

"I'm sorry, Dean, I tried to. But you kept shutting me up and then I got… distracted."

"But… you left. I thought I will never see you again." Dean tries to convince himself that he doesn't sound like a whining little girl. This is embarrassing but thankfully Castiel doesn't notice that.

"I had to make some arrangements. I had to convince the Host that I will be more useful here on earth."

"Did you manage?"

Castiel smiles at him. "I don't think so. I believe they know the true reason. But they let me go."

Dean feels a huge grin spreading on his face. "Free will, huh?"

Castiel grins back – a genuine smile that makes the corners of his eyes wrinkle. "I'm sorry I didn't let you know… But I wasn't sure…"

"Hey, hey, s'alright." He leans in and kisses Cas. "I forgive you." Hell, at this moment he can forgive the whole world.

They just kiss for a while until it gets colder and Dean remembers where they are.

"Let's go home," he murmurs into the crook of Cas' neck. "I think I've got sand everywhere. And I want to have the 'happily ever after' sex in a warm and comfy bed."

Castiel huffs a laugh. "Haven't we just had the 'happily ever after' sex?"

"Maybe it was 'happily ever after' for you. For me it was the 'I'm sorry I'll never see you again'."

Castiel brings his hand up to Dean's face and strokes the curves and lines as if seeing him for the first time. "Let's go then." He whispers.

"Wait a sec," Dean suddenly says. "Do your mind reading thing again."

Castiel frowns. "Why?"

"Remember you told me there's something wrong with me?" The angel nods. "Well check it now. Just once. I let you."

"Dean, you don't need to…"

"Just do it, Cas."

"Okay…" He looks up and for a long moment green eyes lock with blue.

Then Castiel smiles and kisses Dean, touching two fingers to his forehead.

The End


End file.
